Watch Him As He Goes (My Hero...Heh, So Much For)

I find myself looking up. Not looking up at the clouds...or the sun...or the snow as it falls to my feet. I find myself looking up to people. Tall, short, older, or younger, I find myself turning to these select few for advice, for guidance...even as part of the infinite I want to be. I look up to my Peppaw; but he's underground. I look up to my Granddaddy; he's up there in the clouds. I look up to my sister; constantly moving forward. I look up to my father; he's telling me stories of my past. I look up to Nick(Miller); he's tall. I look up to Stephanie (Sauerheber); her chin held high. I look up to Sydney; blue windows let me know everything'll be okay. I look up to Jacob; his scores are higher than mine on the chart. I look up to Jojo; I want to know where our team is headed. I look up to Ms. Stodghill; standing high on an effort sculpted pedestal of achievements. I look up to Mrs. Humphrey; very down to Earth. I look up to the Clay Kuegel; he's right there in that tree, telling me how to get up.

I look up a lot. It used to be a glimpse through an glorious crimson veil. The sun would try to seep it's way through the occasional part. In a way, people had to look up to me just to see the soul behind the eyes. The hair was a comfort. It was difficult to mess with, but I felt that without it, people could see right through me. I want people to figure me out, so I tried to make them work or wait to see inside.

I look up to the roof of my car, vocal tones pour from my diaphragm as I enjoy the freedom of musical and vocal experimentation. I look up to the composers, far off in another world where the words flow from their soul like smooth stream into an ocean of ears.

What I hate most is when you realize...I looked up to you. You see, often, people admired way up, must come down. And when they do...it's easy to see the Sun was in your eyes the whole time in all it's gullibility. You expect things to stay the same, but then, they turn their back on their own words and the shadows begin to take form. Then it occurs to me...why am I looking up. It's their turn. This quote has helped me learn that what I want to see is me. That's how you get through the shadows.

It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the only thing to do is think of someone that I look up to and remember how they first got through to me.